grapefruitjuice.

i want a job that doesn't suck and i want it to not rain when i want to go for a bike ride and i want to move into my apartment and i want to learn an instrument and i want to be more confident and i want to have better skin and i want to lose weight and i want to be less messy and i want more friends and i want real friends and i want a boy and i want a city and i want to be alone in the darkroom at 3am and the chemical smells and i want to remember more dreams and i want to be more motivated and i want a record player and i want to know more music and i want to read more books and i want people i can talk to and i want to be less shy or i want to be shy in a more alluring way and i want to believe in myself and i want to have more ideas or i want to have better ideas and i want to be less typical and i want to be more typical and i want to not sound like i'm trying to be poetic and i want new glasses and i want to go antiques shopping and i want more clothes and i want less clothes and i want this summer to be over and i want to be less whiny all the time.

i write a lot of blog posts like this but don't publish them and then every once in a while i go through them and laugh at myself. i really whine about the same things over and over again and act like they're a huge deal every time.

i don't really have anyone to talk to anymore so i feel the need to update my blog with whatever i'm thinking of to get some thoughts out of my head.

sometimes i go on youtube and watch sunset rubdown videos and end up watching several different versions of "the taming of the hands that came back to life" that were all from different shows but the same song and spencer is usually wearing the same plaid shirt. he does this part at the end that isn't in the song normally and it's really great. sometimes there is way too much camilla. i have seriously watched so many videos of this song.

i decided i need to try to be more confidant and i realized i have this one friend who is so seemingly effortlessly confident and i have no idea when that happened and i got kind of jealous but then i thought being not confident is just kind of how i am and i don't know how to fix it.

um.

teeth and bathtubs.

i don't want to work tomorrow.