art history exam:

it's almost 7am, it's due at 12, and i have a page written of 6-8.

she said to take 5-6 hours for it. LIES.

it really does get worse every time. i just want to go to sleep now.

7:34 and i've got not even two pages. this is the part where i get a nice little chorus of "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" going through my head.

i use that word a lot more in my head than i do out loud. interesting fact, i guess.

8:19 it's time for more distraction and badly typo'd and puncgtuated rambling because imy brain doesn't work anymore for tihngs it should and i just want to go to sleep all the time and listen to the menfding of the fucking gown for my whole life because that song makes me real happy and it's about mending gowns ehichj is a really good thing i would like to be a gown mender for my job but i don't think tghere is mcyuh demand....i seem drunk but i'm really just frustrated obviously i would not be drunk at 8:21 am whilst sttempting to write this exam...i am glad that i do art for school because i forget how to do everything else but also i think i should do ther things make because art is impracticval and i don't know how to do other tnhigns anymore...iwent to breakfast to getr coffee looking all ugly and half wet haired thinkging nobody i know woulfd see me but thenm someone came and sat with me and i was all bye see you later but i probably eont'r and ewent awawy and he was like have a good summer and i was like awkwadrd thumbs up and went awawy and then i wrealkised that i am really tired hand that is not a prober goodbye for the summer, the cyle of procrastinateinf and complainting about it and it getting worse and compainting about that really never does end.... my hands are all jittery and my freakingoutaboutfinishingthingsintime part of my brain has turnied into a freakinginoutbecausreheresnowayicanfinishitdoimightaswellprocrastinarre nmore patr and i really want to keep tyoing horrible and saying thisngs that are unimportant adn don't makes sense forever because it vfeels much nicer than attempting to fins information anbout whilsletdsrs white girl that doesnt'; fucking exist because i don't care if you're telling me that the scritis talked about it a lot if you're not telling me what threyte said about it guh

this is funny.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

850 am i can't fucking do this. why is this so hard for me? everyone else can write a fucking essay without wasting half an hour between sentences. take home exams remind me of this time last year when i was frantically emailing my prof asking for extensions while my grandfather died. i'm totally just screwing myself over here but every time i have to write something like this i get this overwhelming sense of hopelessness that i'm going to lost my scholarship over this one stupid fucking essay that i just couldn't be bothered to start on time and i don't even know why that matters to me that much i mean the 3000/year is great but will i even notice that in a few years when i'm tens of thousanmds of dollars in debt with a useless degree and i lack the ability to even write a fucking 6 page paper?