people aren't mysterious enough anymore. or everyone's too mysterious.

i'm attracted to mysterious people. there don't seem to be many around, though. everyone nowadays seems so focused on their social life, you don't see too many mysterious people. the people that at first seem mysterious are usually trying to be.

i want to fall in love with someone who is mysterious in a bashful sort of way and run away together to a (different) small town where nobody knows us and be the mysterious new couple in town who wear tailored black clothes and glasses and keep to themselves but are occasionally seen riding their bicycles together or having a nighttime picnic in the park or at the supermarket trying to select the perfect vegetable. in my mind these are not things that indie hipsters do but things that the lonely new mysterious couple in town would do because it's the past and indie hipsters don't exist yet. and nobody in town knows them but they see them around and wonder what they're doing in this place but how lovely it is that they seem so happy.

a mysterious man with a soft voice and gentle mannerisms and canvas shoes. that's a description i read one that stood out to me, or something like it.

it would be nice if i were seen as mysterious rather than just shy or antisocial. i can never decide if the people and qualities i'm attracted to are things i want in a romantic relationship or if they're just things i want to be myself. i think it's a bit of both. that's a little narcissistic.

i really need to start having real-life crushes instead of hoping i'll magically meet someone like celebritycrushoftheyear. especially after being this-far-away from biggestmusiccrushever. otherwise years from now i'll end up like a twilight mom in love with a sparkly vampire, only instead of sparkly vampires it'll be some weird-singing-voiced sweaty guy from a band that nobody remembers if they even knew back in the day.

one thing i envy is when people just talk and it sounds not like they're trying to be poetic but everything just sounds nice. i should stop writing my late-night longings in a place where people can read them because i get all self-conscious that people think i'm trying to be all poetic and introspective. that is something i do not attempt to be because i am no good at it. no, not at all. i still think to myself that nobody reads this so i can whine and sound as dumb as i want, even though i know that there are a few people, at least, who do. you who are reading this, you probably know more about me than most other people because of it. i should get a journal instead.